


Declarations of Dependence

by Lostinfantasies38



Series: For You I Could Be universe [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Boys In Love, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor speaks French, Consensual Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Maybe A Little OOC But I Don't Care, Social Anxiety, evan deserves happiness, soft bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:00:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27092431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostinfantasies38/pseuds/Lostinfantasies38
Summary: "Evan did know that. Connor never pushed him beyond what he could handle and didn’t shame him for his sensory overload episodes. While their anxiety manifested differently, they were both familiar with the unsettling need to rip their skin off when things became too much. Connor encouraged Evan to know his limits and not get steamrolled into agreeing to things he didn’t want to do. For his part, Connor was careful to not thrust Evan into triggering situations if they could avoid them.God, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have someone who accepted him the way he was without trying to change him. Evan wanted the world to see how amazing Connor was and admit they were wrong about him."Evan and Connor have been together since the party a month ago. Just a day in the life of their sweet summer relationship. Filled with fluff and minor angst and boys supporting each other. Careful, it might give you cavities.Can be read without reading Part 1, but you'll probably enjoy it more if you start at the beginning.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Series: For You I Could Be universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977364
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	Declarations of Dependence

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit, this chapter was terrifying. I've sat on it, editing and re-editing for 3 weeks, because I was freaking out about the content. A LOT happens here. My stories are character-driven. I start with an idea and let them run with it. I tried to stay out of sexy territory, but the boys were insistent - no matter how many times I re-wrote this chapter. Apologies for those who don’t like smut, but it’s here. Whoops!
> 
> There is a line in French halfway through (expect this to be the norm for my stories) - as always, hover your cursor over it for a translation.

* * *

**July 4th**

Tugging his ranger uniform over his damp skin, Evan rushed to tidy up. Grabbing the towel draped over the desk chair, he raked it roughly along his hair to soak up residual water. Tossing it over his shoulder, he quickly made his bed and checked the soil saturation of the succulents lined along his window sill. Darting into the bathroom, he chucked the towel in the hamper and brushed his teeth while wrangling the cowlick at the back of his head into submission.

A brisk knock interrupted him, and Evan flew downstairs to yank it open. Connor’s tiny smirk grew into a grin at the excited flush of his boyfriend's cheeks and the twinkle in his bright blue eyes. _Jesus, he’s pretty_ , he mused, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear so he wouldn’t appear overeager. Evan arched a brow and Connor blushed with how well the other teen read his tells.

Stepping inside the bungalow, Evan greeted him with an enthusiastic kiss. “Hi,” he breathed when they separated.

“Hi yourself,” Connor grinned. “Happy to see me?”

The pink dusting Evan’s cheeks turned crimson. “I’m always happy to see you.”

“Same here,” Connor murmured. Clearing his throat, he asked, “When are you off today?”

“Two o'clock. They’re closing the park early because of the holiday.”

“I’ll be there. Y’know you don’t have to do this tonight. I’d be okay hanging out here, instead,” Connor said, absently thumbing circles along his spine.

Evan _did_ know that. Connor never pushed him beyond what he could handle and didn’t shame him for his sensory overload episodes. While their anxiety manifested differently, they were both familiar with the unsettling need to rip their skin off when things became _too much._ Connor encouraged Evan to know his limits and not get steamrolled into agreeing to things he didn’t want to do. For his part, Connor was careful to not thrust Evan into triggering situations if they could avoid them.

God, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have someone who accepted him the way he was without trying to change him. Evan wanted the world to see how amazing Connor was and admit they were wrong about him.

“No,” Evan reassured. “I want to meet your parents and this is an easy holiday, isn’t it?” He chuckled at the flat look he received. “Hey, at least it’s not one of the big ones, like Thanksgiving or Christmas. I can’t do _that_ kind of pressure for a first meeting, but it’s kinda hard to mess up the Fourth of July, right? I mean, I _can_ , but it’s just burgers and fireworks, so I probably won't?”

It was more a question than a statement, but Connor smiled. “I know.” Biting his lip in consideration, he said, “If it gets ugly though, we can either hide in my room and watch shit explode from the roof or come back here to watch a movie or something.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he agreed easily.

The boys were keenly aware of the possibility of a Murphy family blow up while Evan was there. It wouldn’t be the first time he saw Connor explode. There were plenty of times at school and a few since they started dating, but it was different now. Evan also witnessed the other side of Connor’s episodes: full of remorse and self-loathing, begging Evan to not hate him or leave him amid horrified apologies. And then there were the times Connor appeared on his doorstep without warning in tears, shaking with anger and grief, unable to speak for hours until he calmed down. Then they carefully untangled his complicated emotions regarding his family like a snarled bundle of yarn.

Evan’s heart seized every time he watched Connor run the gamut on the emotional spectrum. Crossing the finish line, broken and battered, never placing, resigned to his inevitable loss. Leaving him utterly drained for days, a husk of himself until he regained his equilibrium. As much as Evan hated it, Connor hated it more. Overflowing with contempt for his mind that held him hostage when it railed indiscriminately at the world. The switch dictating fight or flight stuck in fight mode, snapped off at the base, unable to be rerouted without a crowbar.

And his family was his biggest trigger.

There was no way to predict how the evening would go, which scared them more than either cared to admit, but Evan refused to let his anxiety win. He cared deeply for Connor and he wanted to prove to the Murphy’s - the people who should support him - that he wasn’t a ruin beyond redemption.

Evan nuzzled his boyfriend’s chest encouragingly. Connor curled around him and buried his face in the crook of his neck, breathing in the sunlit vanilla of his skin. A subtly inviting fragrance, it twined around Connor’s ribs like ivy and asked him to stay. _Yes,_ he agreed. _I don’t want to leave._

“Mmm, smell good,” Connor mumbled.

Chuckling quietly, Evan said, “You always smell good. It’s ridiculously unfair.”

“Whatever,” Connor snorted in embarrassment. Evan mumbled unintelligibly and Connor gently rocked his shoulder into him. “That didn’t even sound like English.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem when you’re bilingual,” Evan huffed.

Shaking with laughter, Connor quipped, “I have to _know_ the language though. And that wasn’t French or English, you asshole.”

Shooting him a half-hearted glare, Evan answered. “I _said_ , you’re unfairly pretty and smell, like, amazing all the time.” Connor blinked owlishly at him as he processed the information, and Evan shifted anxiously.

Great, way to go. Now your boyfriend thinks you’re weird because you told him how much you like the way he smells. Sniffing him like a goddamn dog. That’s creepy and gross and strange. Normal people don’t fixate on stuff like that -

“Oy,” Connor flicked his nose playfully. “Tell your brain to fuck off.” Evan ducked his head, but Connor caught his chin, mouth curving into a faint smile.

Oh my God, this boy with his secretly tender heart and private smirks would be the death of him. It was a privilege to see the real Connor Murphy beneath his “tough shit” attitude, and Evan didn’t take it for granted. How could he when he flashed those lopsided grins at him so regularly? Sometimes gracing him with a smile so radiant it blinded him to anything else?

“You really think that? About me?” Connor asked, voice uncharacteristically small.

Cupping his face in his hands, Evan pressed an insistent kiss to his lips. “Yes, I do. You have the most amazing eyes I’ve ever seen. Don’t even get me started on your hair. I love that you’re taller than me because it makes your hugs ten times better. And yeah, weird as it sounds, I love the way you smell. It’s so _you_ and I really, really like it.”

Well, shit. As if Connor didn’t know how screwed he was before, he was completely fucked now. Those words sealed his fate. He was irrevocably in love with Evan Hansen. Completely smitten by the boy with shining eyes and blonde hair and social anxiety, who trusted _him_ enough that he didn’t stutter. The boy with a laugh like silver bells, brimming with sassy humor, and not afraid to call him out on his bullshit. This sweet boy saw something worthwhile in him and goddamn it, he wanted to keep him forever if he could.

Clearing his throat, Connor murmured, “I think the same things about you. But you’re definitely prettier than me.” Evan’s face flared with heat, shaking his head in disagreement, but Connor brushed a slender finger across his cheeks and trailed the bridge of his nose. “You have twenty-six freckles. I counted them when you were napping,” he stated casually, thankful his voice didn’t give away his nerves with the admission. “If you’re weird, then so am I, but I don’t think it’s strange to appreciate things about each other.”

Flushed ultraviolet in the morning light, they held one another’s gaze for a breathless moment. Evan leaned in first, a hushed whimper escaping him when Connor met him halfway. No matter how many hours they spent like this, it never lessened the eruption of butterflies in Evan’s gut. Whether chaste or heavy, slow or hurried, he lost himself in the knowledge Connor wanted him. There were plenty of times his brain doubted Connor liked him, but it was impossible to deny when wiry arms held him tight, lips and tongues dancing to a rhythm they’d perfected.

Separating to breathe, Connor rubbed their noses together. “C’mon, Mr. Apprentice Park Ranger, we have to get you to work.”

With an exaggerated sigh, Evan nodded. Keyrings in hand, they left the house and locked up. Settling in the passenger seat, Evan realized the luxuriousness of the car didn’t feel strange anymore; an extension of Connor, it carried the same feeling of home he did.

Huh. There was an interesting thought.

Smothering a grin behind his free hand, he squeezed Connor’s fingers in their lazy hold on top of the gearshift. Evan caught the quirk of Connor’s mouth he tried to hide, but with both hands occupied he wasn’t very successful.

“Thank you,” Evan said, breaking the silence. Connor shot him a curious glance as they neared the city limits, and Evan shrugged lightly. “For, I don’t know, being you and picking me up. I appreciate the hit of dopamine this morning.”

A giddy warmth welled in Connor’s chest. “Glad to help. I, uh, have something for you that might give you another dose of mood boosters. I planned to give it to you tonight, but I want you to try it out at work. Open the glove box.”

Grinning, Evan rushed to open the compartment. A medium-sized cube wrapped in red paper sat inside. Evan’s heart thundered in his ears as he pulled it into his lap and carefully peeled back the paper. His small gasp echoed in the close space.

“Oh my god, Connor,” he breathed.

“Do you like it?” Evan whipped his head around to face his boyfriend, desperate to remove the uncertainty in his tone.

“You know I do. This… is amazing and possibly too much.” With trembling fingers, he traced the exterior of the box holding the Garmin smartwatch.

“Nah,” Connor assured, “not with that reaction.” He waved a hand at the densely packed trees as they pulled onto the road to the state park. “I know you know your way through here, but GPS in the woods never hurts. Plus, it tracks your heart rate and shit. I figured you’d have fun with it.”

“And the fact that it’s the one I’ve been eyeing in REI is just a coincidence?”

Connor flashed him a brilliant smile as he parked in front of the ranger’s station. “Is that right? Huh. Complete accident, I swear.”

“Mhmm, good thing you were never a Boy Scout. Lying is frowned upon, y’know,” he joked.

“The only Boy Scout in this relationship is you, babe.” Evan flushed at the endearment while a different heat unfurled in his stomach. This was _his_ Connor, the one no one else got to see - his fantastic, insanely beautiful, suave boyfriend.

“Go on in. You’ll need to charge it for a couple of hours before you can even use it, but I’m sure your fellow rangers will help you set it up,” Connor said.

Leaning across the console, Evan pulled him into a deeper kiss goodbye than usual. “Thank you so much,” he whispered. “You’re amazing, Connor.” Evan smiled triumphantly when a furious blush swept across his boyfriend’s pale cheeks.

“I’ll see you at two, tree hugger,” Connor deflected, breathless and dazed.

Evan grabbed his present with a snort. “You love it, don’t lie.”

Quirking a brow, Connor teased, “Maybe, maybe not.” Evan’s answering laughter unleashed a rush of potent endorphins in his brain. It was a better high than weed, more effective than pharmaceuticals, and he wanted to bottle it up for bad days.

“Uh-huh, sure,” Evan shot back. “See ya, _babe_ ,” he chirped, closing the door and giggling at Connor’s muffled “cocky little shit” before dashing inside.

_Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day because you are not alone. There is someone who makes your days brighter and you’ll see him again in six hours._

He couldn’t wait.

* * *

The rangers were predictably excited about his smartwatch, exclaiming over the features while they passed around the user’s manual. After charging it for the first few hours of his busy shift, his supervisor helped him set it up and link it to his phone during a break.

“So, was it a birthday present?” Stephanie asked, eyes twinkling when he put it on.

Evan blushed with a shake of his head. “No. My birthday’s in February.”

Suppressing a grin, she nodded sagely. “‘Just because’ gifts are always nice. He must care about you quite a bit.”

Coughing slightly, Evan toyed with the rugged display. “I care about him, too.”

“It’s obvious, hon. I’m not trying to embarrass you, I think it’s very sweet.” Hopping out of her chair, she clapped her hands together. “Want to try it out? We have a nature tour in a few minutes.” Beaming, Evan followed her outside, sending a quick text through the app on his smartwatch.

_Breaking it in!_

_Fuckin awesome! Can’t wait for u to show me all the cool shit it does_

_It’s even cooler than I thought and it keeps me from missing you so much_

_U can’t miss me when u can’t get lost, babe_

His stomach flipped, re-reading it a second time, and then a third. Dear God, he was so gone for him.

_That was cheesy but also incredibly smooth. Like damn._

_Hmm, rlly now? Good to know u don’t mind_

_I like being cheesy with you actually. A lot_

_Me too_

The dopey expression plastered on his face sent Stephanie into a fit of giggles. Right, time to wrap things up before he completely embarrassed himself.

_Gotta go! About to start a tour_

_See u soon_

_Not soon enough_ 💙

Evan gnawed his lip nervously. Maybe sending the heart was a bit premature, but it felt right.

🖤 

Well. Okay, then. Maybe not. He wondered if Connor’s heart was pounding in his ears, too. A simple emoji had no right to catapult it into cardiac arrest levels, which his new device kindly informed him of with an annoying beep. Silencing the alarm, he shoved his hands in his pockets and forced himself to breathe deeply while pointedly ignoring Stephanie’s chortles.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

An hour and a half later, Evan double-checked the time as he neared the station after their tour. It wasn’t quite two o’clock, but Connor was already there, leaning on the hood of his car. With his long legs casually crossed, silky hair in an artfully messy bun, and silver piercings glinting in the afternoon light, Connor put the natural beauty of the forest to shame. His monochromatic style brought him instantly to the foreground against the colorful backdrop, oblivious to the appraising glances of a nearby group of girls as he anxiously fiddled with his rings.

Evan noted the tightness of his shoulders and his chest constricted, dismayed by Connor’s internal dialogue screaming that people were judging him when it couldn’t be further from the truth. Raising his head, their eyes met across the parking lot. Evan’s heart flew into his throat when the tension in his boyfriend visibly bled away and a warm smile transformed his features. It blew his mind that _he_ , of all people, held such power over Connor fucking Murphy.

“Oh, my,” Stephanie murmured. “He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Evan breathed, unable to correct the massive understatement. Connor was gorgeous, especially when he smiled at Evan like he was his personal sun.

“It’s close enough to two. Enjoy your holiday, Evan,” Stephanie said.

“Thanks,” he said distractedly, feet already carrying him across the lot. Her amused snort didn’t even register as he rushed to close the distance between them.

Maybe they _were_ planetary bodies, caught in one another’s gravitational pull, reflecting starlight between them as they traveled through the fathomless expanse of the universe. It explained how off-kilter his world seemed until Connor entered his life. True, they were still their own people, but together things were properly aligned on their axis. Rare were the days Evan careened through space at a frightening pace, knocking entire galaxies out of orbit anymore.

Ironic that the guy famous for self-destruction would be the one to ground him. Even stranger that the school’s doormat tamed the fury within the resident bad boy.

Launching into Connor’s arms, Evan buried his face in the crook of his neck, reveling in Connor’s laughter. “Oh my God _,_ I missed you,” he mumbled.

“Missed you, too,” Connor whispered, holding him tightly. “You ready to go?”

“I need to grab my phone and charger.”

“Okay. I’ll get the AC going while you get your stuff,” he said, setting Evan on the ground reluctantly. Brilliant blue eyes held Connor’s gaze when he brushed his lips across Evan’s forehead. “Go,” he murmured, “I’ll be here.”

“I know you will be,” Evan said reverently. A lovely shade of pink spread across Connor’s cheeks with the bold assertion. “I’ll just be a second.”

Connor nodded and straightened, stepping around him with a gentle squeeze of their fingers as he passed. The car thrummed to life while Evan ran into the station and quickly gathered his things, resolutely avoiding eye contact with the other rangers, who’d been peeking through the blinds.

Dropping into the passenger seat, he sank into the supple leather with a grateful sigh. Connor chuckled as they left the park behind, lacing their hands together over the gearshift like usual. The routine of their relationship, the _ease_ between them amazed him, but Connor would not question the one thing in his life that made him indescribably happy.

“Your house?” Connor asked and Evan nodded.

“Yeah, I want to change before heading to yours.”

Connor snorted. “Don’t want to meet my parents in your cute ranger uniform?”

“Not really, no,” he laughed. “Cute or not, my boyfriend dragged me to the mall recently and restocked my closet. It’d be a shame not to wear any of it.”

“True, true,” Connor mused, biting back a smirk. “Time to debut your new style. Those jeans, especially. Khakis were not doing your ass any favors.”

Glancing at him through thick lashes, Evan joked, “Checking out my ass, huh?”

Tossing him a cheeky grin, Connor answered, “All the time. I have no shame and you have a _great_ ass.” He shrugged casually. “What can I say? I’m a weak man.”

Recalling the strength of Connor’s arms supporting his weight in the park, Evan blushed and stared out the window. “Not quite,” he mumbled, though the choked noise from the driver’s side told him Connor heard.

The silence in the car crackled with tension. The scorching heat from earlier resettled in Evan’s gut with a vengeance, searing along his veins like lava. He assumed from Connor’s white-knuckled grip on the wheel and his measured breaths he was in a similar position. Tearing his gaze from the mesmerizing jawline, it dawned on Evan with startling clarity he wanted more than kisses. He wanted _Connor_. All of him - because he loved him.

Evan couldn’t pinpoint when it happened exactly. Falling in love with Connor required no thought; it was an instinctual response as natural as breathing. They understood one another at a depth that took most people years to achieve, though they weren’t ignorant of the other's flaws. They merely cared _despite_ them and helped however possible. When Evan retreated and Connor erupted, they were always there to offer support. Sometimes they derailed the other’s episodes before they happened if they caught the warning signs. It was a work in progress, but that was the key; there was finally _progress_ for them.

Their relationship was a godsend. Hope packaged in a neat box with a Connor shaped bow. Full of encouragement and firm admonitions against lying internal voices, generously sprinkled with tender kisses and grounding hugs and gallons of soothing tea. It was seeing and being seen without running away; opposite sides of the same coin, meeting in the middle and finding balance together.

Loving Connor wasn’t easy, but it was so fucking worth it.

Now he wanted to show Connor how much he meant to him. Which, yeah, they did every day already, but if Connor wanted to take the next step Evan was willing. And he was rarely sure about anything in life, but he was _positive_ about this.

Once Evan acknowledged the deceptively simple revelation, the worry seeped in. He didn’t have a clue about sex, and Connor surely had experience. They’d never talked about it, but there was no way the handsome teen was a virgin. What if he was terrible? Would Connor leave him if he was bad in bed? Oh God, what if he was just a summer fling? What if he was wrong and Connor didn’t feel the same about him? What if he’d blown their entire relationship out of proportion in his head?

It shouldn’t surprise him, honestly. No one truly loved him. His dad left because he couldn’t deal with his issues and then replaced him with a new kid that was whole. He never saw his mom because she took extra shifts to cover the drain his fucked up head was on their bank account, on top of attending night classes to hopefully boast a career that paid a livable wage. Which meant she was too busy to even know who he was anymore - their relationship was a farce. The idea of Connor loving him was ludicrous -

“Evan. Evan, hey! Babe, look at me.” Evan jerked out of his spiral, noting with semi-detached recognition they were in his driveway. “Oh, thank God, you’re back. What happened?” Connor asked.

Connor wasn’t sure what trapped him in his head, but he had a suspicion it was the same idea swirling in his. And shit, Connor wanted Evan, but he wouldn’t assume he reciprocated the desire and make a move before Evan was ready. The near-miss from last month’s party still weighed on him, plaguing Connor with cold sweats and haunting his dreams with horrible scenarios - things he refused to burden his boyfriend with when he already had so much on his plate. Connor needed to be one hundred percent certain of Evan’s frame of mind and have his full consent before they did anything because he fucking refused to be like that bastard Tyler Roberts.

Sheepishly, Evan stared at the console like it held the solution to world peace, unable to hold the other boy’s concerned gaze. “I’m sorry. I… got lost.”

Clicking his tongue in mild reproof, Connor tilted his chin up and Evan’s mouth dried at the signature lopsided smirk that greeted him. “What did I say? You can’t get lost anymore.” Connor tapped his watch, his lips broadening into a grin when the pulsometer gave away the spike in his heart rate. Evan tried to jerk his hand back, but Connor threaded their fingers together and pulled him closer.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Connor breathed. “Mine is racing, too. It always does when I’m around you.” Trembling, he gently untangled their grip and pressed Evan’s palm to his firm chest. Evan gasped when the life-giving muscle skipped a beat under his hand before pounding an erratic cadence. Flicking his eyes up, Connor’s pupils dilated and his breaths became sharper, little pants of air passing through slightly parted lips.

“Oh God,” Evan groaned, closing the distance between them and licking into Connor’s mouth with desperation. They kissed with a passion bordering on painful, a powerful urgency building with every slide of tongue and nip of teeth, quiet moans, and mumbled curses shared between them.

Mouthing along Evan’s neck, Connor murmured, “We should move this inside.”

Evan nodded dumbly, snatching his things and passing Connor his keyring. There was no way his unsteady hands could open the door right now. Scrambling out of the car, they crashed into the house, barely securing the lock and dropping his junk on the dining table before descending on each other with hunger.

“Upstairs,” Evan gasped, dragging Connor behind him.

With the bedroom door locked, time slowed - kisses became languid, and touches lingered. Warmth crept sticky and thick like molasses through his limbs, the heady rush of sweetness fogging his brain to anything except Connor. When curious fingers slid under his shirt, Evan shivered and pressed closer, begging for more contact.

Pulling back slightly, Connor thumbed circles above his waistband. “What do you want, babe? I won't push you into anything.”

Shaking his head in frustration, Evan huffed. “I don’t know what I want. I just know I want _you_. I want more than kissing, but I have no clue what I’m doing. I’m afraid of doing something wrong or letting you down,” he confessed nervously.

Connor’s eyebrows skyrocketed into his hair - his surprise tempering the euphoria coursing through him. “Evan, I don’t have any experience beyond kissing either. I know how things work in theory, but I’ve never done them.”

“Oh,” Evan croaked, a furious blush trailing from his ears to his neck.

Nodding in understanding, Connor asked, “Is that why you got lost in the car? You thought I’d be disappointed in you?” Evan lowered his gaze, but Connor cupped his face and stroked his cheeks. “Hey, even if I had experience I would never be mad or like, judge you for that. Luckily, neither of us knows what the fuck we’re doing though so, we can figure shit out together. At our own pace, okay?”

“Okay,” Evan agreed with relief. “What do you want, then?” he asked hesitantly after a brief pause.

Connor flushed at the question and toyed with the hem of Evan’s shirt. “You,” he whispered.

Evan sucked in a sharp breath. Everything he hoped for sighed in a single word. It left him reeling, but then Connor’s lips were on his short-circuiting his brain. Strong hands wrapped around his thighs and he hopped on command so Connor could carry him to the full bed and lay him down without breaking the kiss.

“Holy shit,” Evan gasped, groaning when Connor nipped his earlobe and pressed him into the mattress. “Off,” he demanded, tugging on Connor’s hoodie. Nodding in agreement, Connor sat up and hastily tossed aside his jacket and tee. Evan unbuttoned the collar of his polo to rip it off, setting his watch aside with an impatient grumble when it caught his shirt sleeve.

“Jesus Christ,” Connor grit through clenched teeth, ogling his toned torso. Evan flushed with the scrutiny, though he couldn’t squash the pride flooding him under his boyfriend’s admiring gaze. “You’re beautiful,” Connor whispered, leaning in to kiss him senseless.

Roaming Connor’s chest and back, he charted the rippling muscles and impossibly smooth skin as their mouths moved with fervor. Flicking a nipple experimentally yanked a stilted curse from Connor, but he retaliated in kind, turning Evan’s smug grin into a strangled yelp of pleasure.

“Fuck, Connor! Oh my God!”

“I mean, I was kinda wanting to fuck you when we get to that point, but I’m okay with that, too,” he joked.

Evan shoved his shoulder with a laugh. Adoring hands trailed over Connor’s trim frame before gripping his hips with an appreciative hum. “You’re gorgeous, Connor. Way too hot for me,” he murmured in awe.

“Fuck that,” Connor growled, eyes blown to black above him. “You have a fucking four-pack. Like goddamn, maybe I should start hiking. If anyone knew what you’ve been hiding under those polos, I’d have to fight off half the fucking school. But,” Connor’s voice dropped an octave, “I’m _really_ glad no one gets to see you like this.”

“Possessive,” Evan rasped when teeth raked the sensitive junction of his shoulder. And holy shit, it felt so damn good he didn’t even protest any marks left behind.

Connor laughed against his skin, parroting Evan’s earlier comment. “You love it, don’t lie.”

Writhing underneath him, head fuzzy with lust and tongue loose, Evan blurted, “Not as much as I love you.” Freezing instantly, Connor slowly raised his head to meet Evan’s startled gaze.

Shit. Fuck. He hadn’t meant to say it. He’d only realized it today for God’s sake, and he was sure Connor didn’t feel the same about him, but it was too late. The words were out and he wouldn’t rescind them. Those three words mattered too much to dismiss and he wouldn’t do that to either of them, no matter how terrifying it was to admit. Quelling his rising panic, Evan stared into the oceanic gaze above him, mooring himself to the island of brown and forced his throat to work.

“Before you ask if I meant it, the answer is yes,” he said with only a minute quiver in his tone. Connor’s eyes widened marginally, which gave Evan the courage to keep going. “I wasn’t planning on springing it on you like this, but I do love you, Connor.”

“Oh thank fuck, it’s not just me,” Connor whispered with a shy smile. “I love you, too, Evan, so damn much. I couldn’t do this with you if I didn’t - it’s too personal. I don’t think I’m hard-wired for casual sex, y’know?”

“Neither am I,” Evan croaked. Wrapping a hand around Connor’s nape, Evan tugged him close for a searing kiss, arching into every brush of cool fingers along his overheated torso.

“Jesus, Evan, the sounds you make. _Fuck_ ,” Connor hissed. “Do you want to keep going?”

“Yes, God, yes.” Evan shivered with anticipation, watching Connor trace his abs with a hushed curse before undoing his pants. Kicking them aside, it left Evan in nothing but his boxers, snug around his erection and embarrassingly damp.

Connor groaned and raked his paint chipped nails down his muscular thighs and kneaded his calves. “Shit, you look amazing like this. I can’t believe you trust me enough to see it,” he breathed in amazement.

Evan bumped his hip with a knee and smiled. “You’re the only person I trust.” Connor bit his lip to hide his pleased grin. “Take those off for me? Please?”

“Fuck yes,” Connor replied, shimmying out of his skinny jeans. Evan swore when miles of creamy leg bracketed his body and ran his hands wondrously along them, admiring the lean cords of muscle flexing under his calloused palms. He eyed the clothed bulge hovering over his own with undisguised want.

Licking his lips, Evan whispered, “I want to see all of you.” Connor closed his eyes and shuddered, his mouth forming silent words of profanity-filled agreement. Once stripped completely, Evan didn’t feel exposed - surprisingly. Yes, they were naked, but he was safe under Connor’s worshiping hands, gingerly caressed by kiss-swollen lips, loved with abandon by the boy above him.

“Touch me,” he pleaded through Connor’s freed curtain of hair. Connor whined desperately at the request and elation bubbled in Evan’s chest in expectation. But his ability to think rationally flew out the window when delicate fingers wrapped firmly around his straining dick, stroking at a maddeningly slow pace.

“Evan, Evan, please,” Connor begged, rocking his length against his thigh. Reaching for him, a simultaneous moan escaped them when he grabbed his cock. Connor sucked in an unsteady breath, rasping hoarsely, “It’s so much better when someone else does it.” Evan nodded enthusiastically, whimpering with the clever twist of his boyfriend’s wrist.

Shoving Connor’s hair aside with his free hand, Evan drank in the flush traveling along sharp cheekbones and down his graceful neck to paint his chest scarlet. He tried to say his name, but no words came, only high-pitched whimpers and guttural groans. Carefully unfurling Evan’s grip, Connor adjusted their position and wrapped his larger hand around both of them. The velvety touch of their cocks rubbing together pulled a keening cry from Evan, prompting a litany of curses and praise from Connor, abyssal eyes alight with pride. Instinctively, Evan hiked his thighs around his waist to bring him closer.

“ _Fuck_. You like that, huh, baby?” Evan craned his head into the pillow with a shameless groan, bucking into Connor’s fist, chasing more friction. “Oh my fucking God, Evan! Do that again.”

Working together, they established a rhythm, thrusting in time with heavy strokes. Occasionally a thumb circled his sensitive head, melting Evan’s bones, rendering him a quaking, desperate mess under Connor’s skillful touch.

“So pretty, babe. Christ, you’re killing me. Perfect, you’re fucking perfect, Evan,” Connor murmured, voice cracking with the weight of his desire. Satisfaction exploded in Evan’s chest, pleased to find he wasn’t alone in being absolutely wrecked. The ability to unravel Connor’s self-control, to witness this incredibly private aspect of him, and love him with his body cracked open Evan’s soul.

“Connor, oh my God, Connor,” Evan rambled between ragged breaths.

“Damn, I love… the way you say… my name,” Connor brokenly admitted.

Blunt fingernails scrambled for purchase across Connor’s shoulders, seeking a similar stability to match the bruising grip on Evan’s hip. Sharing the same air, they whispered endearments between kisses while pleasure crescendoed to heights they’d never achieved alone.

“Close,” Evan gasped. Connor sped up the tempo, planting a sloppy kiss to his lips that he returned without finesse. Remembering his confession, Evan stared directly at him as he neared the edge. “Connor, love you, I… Connor, Connor!”

“Shit, Evan… oh my God! Fuckfuckfuck,” Connor cried, slicking the path for Evan to follow with a shout. A quiet exhale escaped him when Connor collapsed on top of him, but he twined his shaky arms around his sweaty back, holding fast as they came down from their high.

“Well,” Connor started after a few minutes of panting and gentle caresses, “that was fucking fantastic.” Evan snickered at the uncharacteristic hoarseness of his voice, his heart fluttering wildly when Connor’s mouth curved into a broad grin against his skin.

“It really was,” he agreed, relishing the warm, buzzy sensation radiating through his limbs that far surpassed the brief enjoyment of jacking off. There was no comparison between experiences and sharing his first time with Connor made it even more special. “I finally get the appeal behind sex,” Evan mused, raking his fingers through Connor’s waves, earning a contented sigh in response.

Nuzzling his throat with a chuckle, Connor said, “I doubt it's like that for everyone. It’s because it was us.”

“Because we love each other,” Evan murmured, wincing slightly at the vulnerability in his tone.

Propping up on his elbows with a smile, Connor’s gaze overflowed with affection for his boyfriend. How the hell did he get so lucky? The universe usually denied him good things, but now this beautiful person, a goddamn treasure, loved him. A boy who shared something so remarkably intimate with him - the freak - that Connor knew he'd carry the memory for the rest of his life.

“Yeah, because we love each other,” Connor assured him with a deep kiss that brooked no argument. Evan melted into the embrace, tasting the sincerity dripping from his lips like honey.

“C’mon, let’s get cleaned up,” Connor murmured when they reluctantly parted.

Grimacing as they unstuck themselves, the pair dissolved into a fit of giggles when they caught sight of the aftermath in Evan’s full-length mirror. Connor complimented the scratches on his back, claiming it looked like he lost a fight with a raccoon, and Evan pointed out the lilac bruises blooming on his hip. Standing behind him, Connor gingerly laid his fingers over the marks with a secretive smirk and Evan snorted in amusement.

“Like I said, possessive,” Evan teased. Connor’s smile widened, and he looped his lanky arms around his waist.

“Maybe, but I know you don’t actually mind.”

Evan’s entire body flamed with the accuracy of the statement. “No, I don’t,” he answered. Connor rested his chin on his shoulder, and Evan met his soft gaze in the reflection with a timid smile. “I kinda like it. I never thought anyone would want me. Especially someone as amazing as you.”

Connor ducked his head, though Evan felt the heat radiating from his cheeks. “I ask myself every day what you see in me. You’ve seen me at my fucking lowest, but you still look at me like I’m special. I don’t want to lose you, Evan. You’re the only thing keeping me together some days, and I’m terrified of scaring you away.”

Squeezing the hands draped around him, Evan coaxed him out of hiding. “You won’t lose me, Connor, I promise. You’re right. I’ve seen you at your lowest and you’ve seen me at mine, but I’m still here and so are you.” Turning around, Evan pressed a tender kiss to his lips. “Promise you won’t leave me and I’ll promise the same.”

“Never,” Connor instantly swore. “I’m never leaving.”

Evan grinned. “Then neither am I.” Exhaling raggedly, Connor shot him a weak smile.

Grabbing his wrist, Evan led them to the bathroom at the end of the hall. “We both need a shower now. Might as well take one together and save water. Responsible conservationist here,” he said with a smirk.

Barking out a surprised laugh, Connor flicked the lock while Evan adjusted the water. “And you say I’m smooth. I love your sassy side. Such an adorable little shit hiding under those polos for years. I feel robbed.”

Chuckling, Evan tugged Connor into the shower stall. “You’re the only one who gets to see this side of me, and since you’re stuck with me now, you don’t need to feel like you missed anything.”

Connor stalked toward him with a predatory gleam in his eyes. Drawing him close, he walked them under the temperate spray. “Mmm, confident _and_ cocky. Is this your way of saying we’re gonna be together forever?”

Evan’s mouth dried as water cascaded over Connor’s perfectly sculpted frame, weighing his hair past his shoulders, long inky tendrils curling against flawless ivory. _Good God_ , he was stunning; so effortlessly, breathtakingly beautiful it made him want to cry.

“I thought that was implied earlier. I don’t want anyone else, Connor,” Evan whispered, heart leaping against his ribs when Connor’s pupils dilated slightly.

“Just making sure, because I’ve only ever wanted you, Evan,” he rumbled and Evan melted with a tiny whimper. “Fuck, you’re hot,” he murmured. Gently sweeping aside Evan’s wet fringe, Connor was dumbstruck by the crystal droplets caught in his lashes, framing summer sky blue, and full, rosy lips rounded in surprise.

_ Là va ma cœur. _

Wriggling out of his hold, Evan shook his head and grabbed the body wash. “Whatever, that’s you. I’m the Boy Scout in this relationship, but you’re Adonis.”

Riveted by the vision of Evan under the water, his imagination replacing the shower with waterfalls and ocean waves, Connor collected himself when a bottle slapped against his palm.

“Well,” he mused thoughtfully, “if I’m Adonis that makes you Aphrodite, babe. She was his lover, after all.”

Blinking, Evan paused in his washing and furrowed his brow. “Damn it, I forgot.”

“Trust me, the comparison fits. You’re seriously beautiful, Evan. It’s a fact and you, the scientist, can’t dispute those,” Connor smirked. Evan humphed in response and furiously scrubbed shampoo through his hair, cheeks too red to be from water temperature alone. Connor snorted but didn’t push as they finished cleaning up.

Once back in the bedroom, Connor tracked down his scattered clothes and dressed while Evan watched petulantly in a towel. Smirking to himself, he entered the closet to choose an outfit - a black void among endless beige. After a moment of careful deliberation, he passed Evan one of his new pairs of jeans and a forest green tee Connor remembered purchasing because it was just shy of snug on his muscular frame. It was criminal how the polos hid his fit build.

Evan thumbed the plush fabric with a small smile. When he looked up, his boyfriend was leaning against his dresser studying him with open curiosity. Shrugging bashfully, he said, “I’ve never worn anything this nice before.”

Connor blinked in disbelief, his mouth falling slack - the difference between their backgrounds, at once, glaringly obvious. Though Connor’s style gave the impression of being anti-establishment, it wasn’t wholly accurate. His clothes were name brand, indulgently soft straight off the shelf, and not prone to color fading after a hundred washes. Plain black tee or not, Connor wasn’t the type to purchase his shirts in multipacks. Hell, even his underwear was designer. The Ralph Lauren emblazoned on the elastic band was hard to miss, before they sailed across the room, anyway.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Connor murmured, “Well, it’s yours now, so you won’t be able to say that anymore. And I have a credit card for a reason. Soon your entire closet will be organic cotton and bamboo blends.”

Scrambling to check the tag, Evan choked slightly when he read the label.

“Connor -”

“No, shut up,” Connor demanded, and Evan’s mouth snapped shut when he closed the distance between them. Rubbing his hands along Evan’s bare arms, he sighed and adjusted his tone. “Listen, I’ve never had anyone to take care of before and I want to do that for you. You deserve it, Evan. You deserve more than I can give you, but I can do this. Please let me.”

Anxiety and pride warred within him. He wanted to tell Connor to politely fuck off; he wasn’t some charity case, thankyouverymuch. Plus, the watch was already a massive gift. Not to mention the clothes and driving him around all the time, which had to be killing him in the cost of gas. It was too much. Despite what Connor believed, Evan knew he wasn’t worth all the trouble, and the guilt gnawed at him. But when he met his gaze to tell him what he thought, his protests died with the openness of Connor’s expression. Brimming with sincerity and devotion, Evan realized he couldn’t deny him.

Unlike what the world believed, Connor was a genuinely caring person. The type of guy who’d help the sniveling kid having a panic attack at a stupid house party and guard him against rapists. All without hope or expectation of reward, except to maybe call the nerdy boy his friend. He didn’t flaunt his parent’s wealth because it didn’t define him, though he left large tips on small food orders without batting an eye. Connor was simply a rich kid with a credit card, but he wasn’t trying to buy Evan’s affection. They both knew he already had it.

“Alright,” Evan agreed. Connor yanked him into a tight hug, and Evan hid his smile in the safety of his hoodie. “I feel like a trophy boyfriend.”

Snickering into his hair, Connor answered, “You are a trophy boyfriend. You’re hot, remember? Guess this makes me your sugar daddy.”

The words tumbled thoughtlessly due to his lack of brain-to-mouth filter, leaving Connor horrified and wishing he could reel them back and choke on them instead. Why did he even say that? Jesus Christ, what was wrong with him?!

“Oh my God,” Evan bit angrily, freeing himself from his grasp. “I changed my mind,” he growled.

Grimacing, Connor reached for Evan, but he whirled aside to get dressed. Evan wouldn’t forgive him for that tasteless comment and honestly, he didn’t blame him, but he hoped he could still fix it. Desperate to correct his mistake, Connor exclaimed, “Kidding! I was just kidding, Evan. I’m sorry, it was a bad joke.”

Evan huffed noncommittally as he pulled on his jeans, only looking at the other boy again when he silently handed him the t-shirt. It was obvious Connor felt guilty, his features shuttered and despondent, the light in his eyes extinguished. He was coiled tight enough to snap, capable of maiming anyone in the vicinity if someone tripped the tension wire.

 _Shit_.

Taking a moment to compose himself under the shirt as he pulled it on, Evan reminded himself their asshole brains were not helping the situation. He knew Connor hadn’t seriously meant it, and now his paranoia was keyed up, which they didn’t need before going to his house.

Sighing heavily, he stared at his boyfriend. “Okay, fine,” Evan conceded. “But we don’t even joke about that. I don’t want to feel like I’m using you for your money or that you are trying to buy me, got it? I have too much anxiety as it is. I can’t deal with that.”

Connor hung his head in shame. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t… fuck. I never meant to make you feel like that. I don’t want you to question how I feel about you or my motivations or whatever.”

“I know you didn’t. It was a misunderstanding,” he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Let’s just move on, please. I can’t hyper fixate on this before I meet your parents.”

“Fair enough,” Connor muttered, snapping his found hair tie aggressively against his wrist. This is exactly what he warned Evan about when they struck up an unlikely friendship at the party last month. He didn’t know how to be a friend. How to not stick his giant foot in his mouth like a fucking idiot. Sure, he forgave him for this, but it wouldn’t take him long to fuck up again. What if next time was worse? What if he lost Evan because he said or did something unforgivable?

Evan’s stomach knotted uncomfortably, all too aware of the self-harm replacement technique. He hated seeing Connor so upset that he even unconsciously considered unleashing his contempt on himself.

No, screw this. He wouldn’t let Connor risk his clean streak over a bullshit joke. Snagging his hands, Evan threaded their fingers together with a hopefully reassuring smile.

“Do you want to dry your hair? I know where Mom keeps the hair dryer,” Evan offered kindly. Connor smiled faintly, grateful to be saved from a descent into the catacombs of his mind. Grounded by warm fingers entwined with his, he followed Evan to the bathroom.

“Thanks,” he murmured, both boys acutely aware he wasn’t talking about the appliance. Catching Evan around the hip, Connor leaned down and brushed his lips across his pink cheeks. He was not and probably would _never_ be good enough for Evan, but he selfishly wanted to keep him because no one saw him the way he did.

“Yeah, of course,” Evan mumbled.

“Forgive me for being a dick?” Connor asked tremulously.

Evan blinked rapidly to stem the unexpected barrage of tears. It was so like Connor to cling to guilt and continuously beat himself up over stupid shit. A trait they unfortunately shared, but the fear in his tone broke Evan's heart. Like Connor didn’t expect or, worse, didn’t _deserve_ forgiveness.

Startled by his tears, Connor opened his mouth to speak, but Evan halted his concerns with a bruising kiss.

“I forgive you. I’m trying to put it behind me, so you have to do the same, okay?” Connor sniffled and nodded while Evan continued. “I’m not gonna hold a grudge. We talked it out. We’re good. What about you, though? Are you okay?”

“I will be,” Connor admitted. “I feel like an ass because I made you think, even for a moment, that my love wasn’t real. I know how proud you are. You’re not some... project or experiment in kindness or whatever bullshit your head was trying to tell you.”

Yeah, they knew each other _very_ well. Evan gave him a clipped nod, and Connor sighed heavily to be proven right.

“I love you, Evan, I do. I just… want to fucking take care of you and spoil you a little, y’know? Like a good boyfriend. We already do that in other ways, I know. I don’t want this to be any different.” Blue eyes flashed in excitement and he spoke faster, forcing Evan to smother an ill-timed smirk.

“Think about it like this, okay? One day we won’t live at home anymore. We’ll have steady jobs and we’ll be responsible for each other, right?” Evan nodded again, his heart thundering with the realization of what “forever” with Connor meant.

“Well, money will be a big fucking part of making sure you’re happy and cared for. Rent, groceries, clothes. But also like, birthdays and ‘I saw this and thought of you’ gifts. This is like that, except y’know, we don’t have to pay rent yet,” Connor finished with a cheeky grin.

Happiness surged through Evan. On some deep level, he knew he shouldn’t accept the offer, but he couldn’t argue Connor’s logic. His point was valid, at least for the future, and if he bent the rules slightly to include caring for Evan in the present? Well… there was a huge part of him that craved it, and he’d be lying if he said otherwise. He just _wouldn’t_ think about the fact that it wasn’t his boyfriend’s hard-earned money. Besides, he wouldn’t abuse the privilege or make demands. He wasn’t a gold digger, for God’s sake. He just wanted someone to give a damn about him and he knew, _he knew_ , Connor did. This was simply another way he showed it.

Giddy laughter spilled out of him before he could stop it, but his embarrassment was worth Connor’s blinding smile.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Evan said between giggles. “I’ll let you take care of me. But you forgot an important occasion for gifts.”

“Lay it on me. What did I forget?” Connor asked playfully, relief surging through him, dislodging the weight crushing his sternum.

Eyes sparkling with mischief, Evan calmly stated, “Anniversaries.”

 _Sweet Jesus._ This boy was going to kill him. In the best way, of course, but his death at the hands of “I only look innocent” Evan Hansen was assured.

“You’re fucking adorable, babe,” Connor said, recovering from his mini-stroke, suddenly intent on kissing every individual freckle on his handsome face. “I love you so damn much.”

Sinking into Connor’s arms, Evan burrowed into him, immensely grateful they worked things out. “I love you, too. And for the record, you already _are_ a great boyfriend, Connor,” he murmured, pressing his lips over his heart.

The buzz of incessant self-loathing living in his head descended into silence, rocking Connor to his core as the simple words pinged along the pathways of his brain. Evan was so _sure_ of him, believing he could heal. More than that, that he _deserved_ it. Despite his many faults and shoving his foot in his mouth fifteen minutes ago, Evan loved him in the here and now; pointing out the good bits of his damaged soul, choosing to love him even though he was a complete and utter disaster.

A strangled sob wrenched out of Connor’s lungs, echoing mournfully in the bathroom’s acoustics. Evan clung tighter as they wept, wishing love was enough to glue the broken pieces of his favorite person together.

* * *

An hour later they arrived at Connor’s house, quietly toeing off their shoes in the entryway. Slipping into the kitchen, they dropped off the extra chips his mom asked him to pick up, pausing in surprise to find the room empty. Everyone must already be in the backyard. Threading their fingers together, Connor led him to the patio, nervously chewing his lip.

Evan noted the cavernous rooms filled with objectively pretty things, but the sound of their steps rang eerily along the tile. Like mourners visiting a mausoleum. Even the color palette was stark and lifeless, in vaguely differing shades of white and cream and muted gray accents. Connor’s preference for black instantly made sense. He wasn’t anti-establishment; he was the antithesis of his parents.

Connor paused in front of the backdoor and exhaled raggedly. “Ready?” he asked, though Evan suspected he directed it to himself. At his nod Connor rose to his full imposing height, pulling on his “don’t fuck with me” persona like a shroud. He strode into the Better Homes and Gardens yard with such manufactured confidence that only an expert in reading Connor could ever tell it was false. Evan was such an expert, but his family was not and the knowledge filled him with grief.

Three pairs of eyes snapped to them when they stepped outside. Evan swallowed hard as he was immediately sized up. Mr. Murphy’s expression was impassive until his gaze flicked to their joined hands and his lips bent into a frown. And just like that, he was found wanting.

Poor Connor. No wonder he never wanted to be home, preferring Evan’s cozier house with furniture that was actually lived on, and Heidi’s excited babbling on the rare occasion they saw her. It was better than this - sterile and stifling and soul-crushing.

Connor’s grip reflexively tightened, struggling to rein in his fury over his dad’s reaction. Tugging gently on his hand, Evan caught his eye - silently imploring Connor to let it go, insisting his father’s opinion didn’t matter, reminding him he loved him no matter what. Sighing heavily, the voices screaming in his brain quieted to a dull static and his shoulders relaxed minutely.

Evan bit back a triumphant grin, inordinately proud of how quickly Connor regained control. Nudging him with an elbow, Connor grumbled, “Shut up. Don’t let it go to your fucking head.” Recalling what happened earlier, Evan barked out a laugh, causing Connor to snort and color the tips of his ears pink.

“Cocky little shit,” he groused.

“Yeah, maybe, but you like it,” Evan quipped without hesitation, momentarily forgetting they had an audience. Too entranced and distracted by Connor’s magnetic presence, still awed by the revelation that he loved him. Boring Evan Hansen and fascinating Connor Murphy. They were a study of how opposites attracted. Though, no one was aware of how much they actually had in common. But to be fair, from the outside looking in and gauging purely external factors, no one of sound mind would ever pair them together.

“Holy shit!” Zoe’s screech snapped the boys from their love-struck stare.

“Jesus Christ,” Connor spat, unconsciously swinging Evan in front of him to wrap his arms protectively around him after his startle. “Is it so surprising that someone might like me?”

Zoe huffed. “A little, yeah. Especially when they aren’t a serial killer. I mean, how the hell did this even happen?” she demanded, waving a potato salad covered spoon between them. Belatedly, she shot a tight smile to Evan. “It’s Evan, right? I’ve seen you around.”

“Y-Yeah, I’m Evan. Nice-nice to m-meet you.” He winced with the reemergence of his stutter. He’d half-forgotten it since he’d spent his summer with people he was comfortable with. Connor stiffened behind him, used to Evan speaking confidently in his presence. The obvious sign of his discomfort made Connor immediately defensive, which sent trills of delight singing through Evan.

“We met at a party,” Connor answered. Evan tilted his head back and arched a brow at him, causing Connor to roll his eyes. “Okay, we talked at a party. We’ve known of the other’s existence for years.” He snorted when Evan nodded at the correction.

“Riiiight,” Zoe drawled. “I’m sorry, but I can’t see Evan at a party.”

Anger flared in Evan’s chest, narrowing his vision when it darkened around the edges. How dare she presume to know him or Connor? Did he seriously have a crush on her at one point? What the hell had he been thinking? Evan studied her for a second and then plastered a syrupy smile on his face.

“How is Alana doing? I ran into Rebekah Miller the other day and her name came up. I know you guys are friends, but I haven’t seen her all summer,” he said without a trace of his stammer.

Zoe’s eyes widened with the casual name drop of the girl who hosted the party they all attended last month. Connor’s arms flexed around Evan’s torso when he coughed to disguise his laughter, but Evan’s smile never wavered while he pointedly held Zoe’s gaze.

Clearing her throat, she aggressively stirred the thoroughly mixed side dish. “Alana’s doing well. I’ll let her know you asked about her.”

“Well, if we’re done with the interrogation.” Connor glared challengingly at his sister and focused his attention on his parents. “Cynthia, Larry, this is my boyfriend, Evan Hansen.” Larry gruffly welcomed him as he flipped a hamburger patty, but Cynthia flitted around the buffet table with a large smile.

“Evan, it’s so wonderful to meet you,” she chirped, and Evan tried not to flinch at the excessive enthusiasm. Connor huffed in annoyance above him but kept his mouth shut while they shook hands.

“Y-You, too, M-Mrs. Murphy,” he said, managing a smaller smile in response.

“Call me Cynthia, dear.” Uh, no, not happening, but he continued to smile. “Connor mentioned you’re Jewish, so we kept things kosher.”

He blushed and ducked his head slightly. “Th-thank you. I, um, hope it wasn’t t-too much trouble.” Connor squeezed his biceps encouragingly, and he pressed his shoulders more firmly against him in gratitude.

“None at all,” she reassured. Turning her attention to her husband, she asked, “How much longer, Larry?”

“Everything’s done,” he replied, adding the last of the hot dogs to a serving plate.

“Connor, bring out the chips, please? Oh, and there’s a pitcher of iced tea in the fridge, too.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but Evan tapped his forearm. “I’ll go with you,” he murmured. “You need more than two hands.”

Smirking faintly, Connor retorted, “Don’t think I can handle it?”

Evan rolled his eyes affectionately. “Last I checked, you don't have eight arms. Unless you’re hiding your mechanical appendages behind your back, but you’re too skinny for that to work.”

Connor laughed loudly, shocking the other people in the yard. “I don’t need extra arms when I have web-shooters,” he reasoned, flicking his wrists expertly.

“Alright, Peter. Tell me how those help exactly. Like, wouldn’t they just make everything sticky?” Evan shivered in revulsion as they entered the house.

“Eh, you’re probably right. They’re still fucking cool, though,” Connor said with a grin.

“Yeah, they are,” Evan admitted with a bright smile.

“Not as cool as you.” Evan’s heart skipped a beat when Connor backed him against the island in the pristine kitchen, eyes soft and shining and so _fucking_ blue. “I love you,” Connor whispered, capturing his lips for a gentle kiss.

“I love you, too,” Evan breathed in dazed confusion. “What was that for?”

“You’re amazing, babe,” Connor smiled, mischievous and proud. “You shut Zoe down like a motherfucking boss and you helped me stay chill. I just love spending time with you and it’s been entirely too long since I kissed you.”

“It’s been less than an hour,” Evan teased.

Passing Evan the grocery bag with the various chips, Connor grabbed the pitcher from the fridge with a wink. “Exactly, too long. So, how did you know it was Rebekah’s party, anyway? You said that night you didn’t know who hosted it.”

Evan chuckled as they walked through the house. “Jared told me later. Rebekah goes to our Temple. He only knew about the party because he overheard her telling some of her friends her parents were going to be out of town. I think he was hoping he’d get lucky with her.”

“Oh my God!” Connor cackled as they returned to the patio. “What an idiot.”

Snickering, Evan nodded as he laid out the items on the food table. He noticed the surprised glances shared between the other three while Larry opened the umbrella over the table. Connor met his eye, nervous tension bubbling under his crafted veneer of indifference. Things were going well for the moment, but his family was mercurial and peace wasn’t guaranteed.

Reading his apprehension, Evan thumbed circles across his knuckles and hummed the chorus to one of his favorite songs. After a few bars, Connor joined in, humming under his breath until he could breathe without anxiety nipping his heels.

Leveling him with a serious expression, Evan tapped his wrist twice. _You okay?_

Tipping his head slightly, Connor tapped once in reply. _Yes_.

Ignoring the curious stares of his family, the boys joined the others at the table. After a brief blessing over dinner, everyone filed in an assembly line to fill their plates. Settling next to each other at the table, Evan smacked Connor’s hand when he stole a chip. He merely winked and popped out of his chair, returning a moment later with two cold Cokes from a nearby cooler.

“Thanks,” Evan smiled. Connor dropped a kiss on top of his head and snagged another chip.

“Oh my God, Connor,” Zoe snapped. “Stop stealing from your poor boyfriend.” Without missing a beat, Evan held up another Dorito in offering, sending Connor into peals of laughter while Cynthia stifled her giggles behind her tea. “You know what, I was wrong before. You two assholes are perfect for each other,” Zoe muttered, stabbing her side salad angrily.

Wiping tears from his eyes, Connor turned to Evan with a smirk. “That’s what I’ve been saying!”

“Yeah,” Evan replied quietly, lips quirking in a shy smile. “Me, too.” Cynthia cooed and Zoe fake gagged, but the boys focused on the press of their thighs under the table, keeping them grounded as they ate.

After a weighty silence, Zoe hesitantly asked, “Hey, Evan?”

Looking at her across the table in surprise, he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Y-Yeah?”

“That song you guys were humming—” Connor tensed beside him, instantly poised to strike, but Evan quickly clasped his knee to calm him "—was it The Score?”

“Um, yeah. Th-they’re one of my favorite bands,” Evan answered. He glanced at Connor, but his arched brow showed he was just as confused.

Blinking at Connor in surprise, Zoe blurted, “I didn’t know you listened to them. I mean, they don’t seem like your go-to genre.”

Sighing in minor aggravation, Connor said, “I didn’t until Evan and I started hanging out. They’re honestly pretty good. Relatable lyrics and melodies that are catchy without being annoying. I didn’t expect to like them, but here we are,” he finished with a shrug.

“Huh, that’s… really cool. I like them, too.” Zoe let the conversation go with a timid smile and the boys exhaled in relief.

In a surprising twist, Larry left them alone, only acknowledging Evan’s compliment on the burgers with a perfunctory nod. When Connor returned with a second plate piled with his favorite sides and then couldn’t eat it all, Evan helped him polish it off without considering how strange it looked to outsiders. They’d only been together a month, but they acted like they’d been a couple for years; comfortable and domestic and impossibly in tune.

A wiry arm settled around Evan’s shoulders, and he leaned into the embrace with a sigh. “Good, babe?” Connor asked, amusement warming his tone.

“Mhm. Thanks for sharing.”

Gathering his courage, Evan stammered out a thank you to Cynthia for inviting him. Shaking her head vehemently, she grasped his hand resting on top of the table. Evan and Connor both stiffened at the unexpected contact, but she spoke quickly to ward off their protests.

“Thank you for coming, Evan. It’s truly a blessing to see Connor happy. You’re welcome here anytime.” Patting his hand with a watery smile, she stood and collected the discarded paper plates and plastic ware to throw away.

Unable to sit and do nothing, Evan offered to help, resisting the urge to twist his new shirt with difficulty. Cynthia waved the offer aside with a soft chuckle.

“Thank you, but that’s not necessary. There is still time before the fireworks start. You boys go inside and hang out.”

They didn’t need to be told twice, scurrying into the house as quickly as possible without seeming rude. Well, Connor didn’t bother to disguise his excitement, dragging him upstairs to his room with a laugh. Shutting the door, he sagged against it and exhaled heavily.

Shooting him a warm smile, Evan murmured, “It wasn’t too bad. Could have been worse.”

“The night is young,” Connor reminded him.

Sitting on the navy comforter, Evan held out a hand. “We can watch from the roof, remember? Or hide at my house. It’s gonna be fine.”

Pushing off the door, Connor’s lips quirked in gratitude, sitting beside him. “Yeah, you’re right. As long as you’re with me everything will be fine.”

Resting his head against Connor’s arm with a smirk Evan studied the room. Painted dovetail gray, the navy coverlet popped against the far wall, drawing guest’s eyes to the sketches taped near the bed. A large bookcase dominated the wall by the door, overflowing with books. Classics and contemporary novels, all well-loved and bookmarked. Scattered paperbacks on the desk buried his laptop and hard bounds that didn’t fit the shelf listed on piles on the floor. Propped in the corner was an empty easel, half obscuring an impressive stereo system. A second door was ajar, giving Evan a glimpse into his walk-in closet full of black and gray.

“I like your room. It’s very you,” Evan said. Connor snorted, tucking a stray curl behind his ear while he examined the space, trying to see it through fresh eyes. It reflected who he really was, not the world’s shitty assumptions of his personality. That Evan recognized that on sight made him feel weightless.

“Maybe,” he conceded quietly.

Pointing to the easel, Evan asked, “You paint, too? I know you sketch, but that’s new.”

Connor shrugged. “Sometimes I paint, yeah. I keep my stuff in the basement with a drop cloth. That’s my secondary easel.” Evan cocked a teasing brow at him and he rubbed his neck in embarrassment. “For y’know, sketching it out before I paint. Better lighting for figuring out proportions and colors.”

Evan nodded in understanding. Sliding off the bed, he walked to the artwork taped on the wall, ogling the hyper-realism of the various landscapes and portraits. Mostly black and white and perfectly shadowed; adding depth and dimension that made them so lifelike he was sure the people breathed, their puffs of air capable of disturbing the wildflowers blooming on the other pages.

“Oh my God, Connor. These are… I don’t even know what adjective to use. Amazing, incredible, phenomenal. Yes! That’s the one,” Evan decided.

“You think so?” he asked nervously.

Besides his art teachers, no one ever saw his work. It was personal and raw, and he feared Evan’s reaction. What if it revealed too much of what he tried to hide? What if it was too visceral or poignant and unintentionally triggering? Maybe not what he had on display, but some of his pieces in his sketchbook and the canvases facing the wall in the basement - those were the ones he’d keep hidden for now.

“I _know_ ,” Evan stated, returning to cup Connor’s face in his hands. “You are so talented and so damn smart. I’ve been in Honors classes for years and I haven’t read a quarter of the books you own. And you’ve read them multiple times. You’re incredible.”

Connor closed his eyes with an unsteady breath. “Thank you. You’re probably the only person who can say that to me, and I honestly believe you mean it.”

Opening his eyes, Connor’s heart momentarily stopped. Adoration imbued Evan’s features with an inner radiance. Christ, he was turning into a poet. Though, there were worse things than discovering how easily he could pen sonnets about the boy slotted between his legs, looking at him like he hung the moon. Shakespeare’s compulsive need to extol his lover’s virtues and fair beauty in flowery prose finally made sense.

Connor wanted to compose stanzas describing how his breath hitched when sun-kissed hands caressed his thighs. Wax eloquent on the uneven staccato in his chest as paper-thin eyelids fluttered shut over sapphire pools and plush lips delicately parted…

The mental composition stalled, and an involuntary moan escaped him when their mouths met. Evan sank into the embrace with a sigh and didn’t protest when Connor pulled them onto the bed. Evan straddled him, fingers desperately twisting in his hoodie to keep from floating away. He whined when the hand splayed across his neck raked into his hair, experimentally tugging the short strands. Connor cursed under his breath when the other boy’s whimpers turned pleading, hips grinding in search of friction.

“Fuck, I love you,” Connor murmured between heady kisses. His world narrowed to Evan’s weight perched on his pelvis and the scalding touch of their skin where their shirts rolled up. He wanted to meld himself into Evan so he’d never be without him. He grounded him - they grounded each other - and _Jesus_ , he didn’t want to lose this.

“I love you, too,” Evan whispered. The rapid beat of Connor’s heart against his palms matched his own. He lacked the words to tell his boyfriend how awed he was by him. It wasn’t just his ethereal beauty; it was his intelligence and charm, his sharp humor, his fierce love, and feral loyalty. And every noise and unconscious thrust underneath him unraveled more of his sanity, robbing him of speech, subsuming him with an urgent need to get closer to _ConnorConnorConnor._

God, he didn’t want to stop, but if they didn’t Connor was going to obliterate his boxers and his remaining brain cells. Sliding his hands from Evan’s hair, he settled them on his hips and rolled them sideways. Evan blinked blearily at him, lust clouding his gaze. Pride welled in him to be the one who put it there.

Outlining his boyfriend’s swollen lips with his thumb, Connor said, “I don’t want to stop, but Cynthia is nosy. Don’t want to risk getting caught.”

Blushing, Evan nodded. “Yeah, that would be bad.” Basking in the moment with legs entwined and fingers linked, they smiled warmly in the hazy orange glow of sunset.

“Hey,” Evan whispered in the stillness. Connor quirked a brow in response. “Do you want to stay the night at my house? My mom will be home tonight, but I’m not scheduled tomorrow. Maybe we could do something?”

Connor’s playful expression softened. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I’d like that. We’ll come up with a cool day trip or something.”

“Okay, sounds great,” he replied.

Closing the gap between them, Connor pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. But Evan licked along the seam of his mouth and he opened them instantly, willingly giving into his boyfriend’s request for a deeper taste. Fuck it, let Cynthia find them. He didn’t give a shit right now.

Snaking an arm along Evan’s side, he rolled them until he sprawled halfway across his torso. Evan was average height and ever-so-slightly more broad in contrast to Connor’s absurdly tall and lean proportions, but they were perfectly built for one another. Their sharp angles and rounded edges fitting like puzzle pieces, proven by their afternoon romp.

Connor desperately wanted a repeat performance. Not just for the sex, but so he could fully drop his guard and be vulnerable. He wanted to pour his soul into Evan’s loving hands again. Trusting the boy under him to collect the pieces when he shattered and handle him with a fragility he didn’t know he craved.

A shocking detonation separated them with a gasp. When the next firework exploded in the sky, their paranoid brains belatedly recognized the source of the noise and stopped sending distress signals. Side-eyeing each other, they burst into adrenaline-fueled giggles, clutching a little too tight while they regrouped.

Once they calmed down, Connor hopped up and snatched a spare blanket from his closet. Returning to the bed, he reached up and popped open the window, waving at Evan to follow him onto the roof. Laying the blanket over the scratchy shingles, the boys settled in to watch the country club’s fireworks display. Evan’s hand found his as the show kicked off, and Connor bit his cheek to contain his grin.

Sizzling, crackling, and whistling into the night, an array of colors painted the dark. They rivaled the stars for brilliance, raining shimmery pigment across the neighborhood like pixie dust.

Electric. Magical. Enchanting.

As a child Connor loved fireworks, but the allure faded the older he became. This was the first time in years that the thrill young-Connor experienced over pyrotechnics was renewed. Thanks to the beautiful boy next to him.

Turning to Evan, his half-formed words died on his tongue. Instead, he drank in the wondrous expression on his boyfriend’s face. Pink, green, yellow, and red, lit up his features in an otherworldly rainbow. A sonic shriek rent the air seconds before the sky lit up in an explosion of white sparkles. But there - in the endless expanse of Evan’s eyes - was a supernova. The reflection of patterned light stole what little breath Connor’s lungs held in reserve.

The strangled gasp that escaped him caught Evan’s attention. Frowning, he opened his mouth to ask if he was alright, but Connor slanted his lips over his and _oh my_ _God,_ he could finally breathe because Evan was oxygen. Evan was life and love and every good thing he ever wanted, but never thought he would have.

When they separated, panting and trembling with words unspoken, Evan smiled and wiped away Connor’s tears. Thankful the weird lighting masked his blush, he chuckled under his breath and murmured, “Happy Fourth, Evan. I’m glad you’re here with me to see it.”

Laying his cheek on his shoulder, Evan said, “Happy Fourth, Connor. I’m glad we’re here together.”

Wasn’t that a fucking trip? A month ago they were alone and longing for a connection - for a reason to wake up every day and keep going when they’d rather give up. Now, they were perched on his roof like some shitty YA novel and Connor couldn’t be happier with the plot twist.

Squeezing his hand in reply, Connor whispered, “Me, too, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Interesting tidbit - the "lilac" coloring of Evan's bruises are intentional. Purple lilacs represent "first love." 💜  
> The song by The Score the boys are humming is "Where Do You Run" which fits them _perfectly. ___
> 
> _I should point out that I have my own face claims for the boys. I know everyone loves Mike Faist (so do I!) but whenever I see Connor in my mind I see Ezra Miller. Those cheekbones. That jawline. The cocky attitude. _swoons_ That is Connor fucking Murphy to a T._
> 
> _  
> _
> 
> _I also headcanon that Evan is not just “cute,” but actually very hot. However, because of his anxiety and the nerdy outfits his mom chooses for him, he does not see himself as attractive initially. So, his face claim is Instagram model Seth Jordan - not only handsome but usually in a constant state of surprise that suits Evan’s personality. And those eyes - goddamn. He will forever be my Evan._
> 
> __  
>   
> 


End file.
